Credit guru Thea Dudley has spent more than 30 years in LBM credit management. Now she's here to answer your credit and collection questions. Got a question for her mailbag? Contact Thea at [email protected].
HOORAY! We made it through another year of credit, collections, and sales rep humor. Usually about this time, I roll out the best of the year's excuses for non-payment as shared by many of you over the past year. This year, I thought I would do something a little different, to shake up the status quo, and share something a little personal. A credit manager cohort gave me the best gift ever for a credit manager and, in the spirit of the season, I am sharing it with all of you.
We were at a conference talking all things credit, when she pulled out this wicker basket and said "Here, when your day goes to hell, you have a hand-basket - enjoy." The basket had a small note tied to it with a beautiful red ribbon. The note said "There is no crying in credit. Just an unusually large number of $50.00 mommy words." I opened the basket and it was full of small ribbon-tied notes, all sharing wisdom to help get me through my credit managing day.
Depending on the kind of day I am having and where I happen to be, I often dig into that box, sip my coffee (or whatever, you really can't tell what's in a coffee cup), and select various notes of wisdom. Sit back, sip your brew, and enjoy a few snippets to ponder:
- If you want to give a man credit, put it in writing. If you want to give him hell, pick up the phone.
- Friends (credit managers) don't let friends (other credit managers) have bad credit customers.
- My tolerance for idiots is extremely low. I sued to have some immunity built up, but obviously there is a new strain out there.
- Square peg - round hole. Some days you just need a bigger hammer.
- Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels.
- Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app they'll start using.
- Trust your instincts...simple as that!
- Bad decisions (in life, not in credit)make for great stories. Face it, no good story starts with "I was eating a salad when..."
- Just rub some dirt on it.
- Revenge sounds so mean. That's why I prefer to call it "returning the favor."
- The creditor hath a better memory than the debtor...
- What is the difference between "fat chance" and "slim to none?"
- Everything is funny as long as it is not happening to you.
- No witnesses, never happened.
- I like rumors. I find out so much MORE about me that I didn't even know!
- Stress does not go with my outfit or my shoes.
- All you have to do is run faster than your slowest sales rep.
- Yes, sales rep, your cry baby, whiny-a** opinion would be what?
- I don't take anything personally, I am a kick-a** credit manager.
- My mom used to say "Don't raise your voice, improve your argument."
- Don't even mistake silence for ignorance.
- Ever look at one of your sales reps and think "How has no one hit you with a shovel?"
- If you can't convince them, confuse the crap out of them.
- Never pet the kitty backwards. Seriously...don't. It will not end well. Seriously, it won't.
- Dear credit life, when I said "Can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
- If only "you dumba**" was an appropriate way to end an email. Damn you, Human Resources!
- Behind every great sales rep is a credit manager rolling her eyes.
- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer.
- You wanna play? You gotta pay!
- Sales and profit are built with good-paying customers, not "good guys."
- The question isn't "who's gonna let me," it's "who's gonna stop me?"
There you have it. Nothing says "true meaning of Christmas" like a list that rings true to you world, gives you hope, or the ability to commiserate with others in your shoes. Those are a few of my favorites (of the notes that are printable in a family friendly format) from a basket of over 200. So, when this list loses it's luster for you and you need a little more, hit me up. I will dig another gem from the magic basket to help you pull through. I hope they make you smile as much as they do for me. If nothing else, sitting quietly at your desk with a bizarre smile on your face freaks people out and keeps them moving past you without stopping. Merry Christmas, y'all!