Well-known for her PROSALES column, Thea's Mailbag, Thea Dudley discusses her experience making a career in the traditionally male-dominated LBM in the following essay.
I attended a conference last year where the key speaker was a woman talking about diversity in our industry. She opened with the line, “Welcome to the building materials industry: male, pale, and stale." While it got a huge laugh from the audience, I looked around and realized I was sitting next to the only other woman in the audience and I must admit it hit a nerve. I, and my seatmate, were the beginning and the end of the diversity. The speaker went on to talk about recruiting, youth, women, race, and ethnicity--all the usual suspects that always get brought up but rarely solved.
I found myself over the next few months replaying that comment in my head and giggling as I sat in meetings, attended other conferences, and visited with customers. There is truth in that statement. The topic came up several times in the following months and it made me wonder: Did I feel I was held back or not as successful because I was in a male-dominated industry? Did I truly feel like a minority or was it just an easy topic to focus on while ignoring real issues?
Without a doubt, the ratio of women to men in our industry is lopsided. Historically, this has been a man’s territory, but the manscape has changed since I first started in it. My subcontractor dad took me to jobsites every summer and weekends to work with him, and I can guarantee you I was the only teenage girl there. I went into credit management in this industry and married a man whose family owned a lumberyard. Did I feel held back, victimized, or overlooked for promotions or opportunities because I was a woman? Did I ever feel “weird” being the only woman in the room?
Now, NO. Back in the day? Frankly, yes. Did I let it keep me from pushing forward and making a career and living in it? Nope. Sure, there are/were times being a woman in this industry was challenging, but I could also use it to my advantage. Not in the obvious physical way--that is too easy to jump on. The way men and women manage and approach situations is different. Women tend to be empathetic, more collaborative, and transformational. Men tend to be more command and control. Although in this industry, I must admit you have got to have huevos if you are going to play in the sandbox.
Over my 30+ years in the industry, I experienced a lot of frustration and irritation. The landscape of the industry was much different. The good old boys' club was alive and kicking. If you think the ratios are lopsided now, you should have seen it then. There weren’t a lot of us and those that were in it usually were the owner’s wife, mother, or daughter (or daughter-in-law). Lumberyards were, and largely still are, a family business. Just because I didn’t want to be part of a family business doesn’t mean it isn’t for others. Frankly, being in a family business was way harder than any male-dominated industry could ever be. I would rather face a group of angry, irritated men than a group of my angry, irritated in-laws, and I love them!
As the landscape changes, more women are choosing the industry as a viable career option. Our industry is the “wild west” of our time, with enormous opportunities to be had. Where else can you build a career that you love coming from any socioeconomic, gender, race, or educational background?
I was very (emphasis on very) young and lacked the business experience to deal with some of the situations I found myself in when I started. Some of the things said to me by co-workers, bosses, and customers were definitely not politically correct and frankly an HR infraction that could and should have gotten them sued. I think back and wish my “today self” could have been there to handle those situations; those “conversations” would have been much different.
But I learned, and with each misstep, failure or success, I grew. I found mentors, a mix of women and men who I admired for their approach to the business and to people. I asked both sexes the same questions. How would they handle various situations?
I started approaching my career like I was dating. What did I find acceptable and what was not? How was I going to allow myself to be treated and where did I draw the line? How much emotional investment was I going to make in worrying about what every person thought of me? Was the company pro-woman? Did they value me and what I bring to the table more than gender, race, ethnicity, or age? Do they just want to be able to check the box that they have a woman in a certain position? I picture the variety box of donuts. Is that what the company is trying to do: Create an “assortment” for appearances? If the company didn’t pass muster, I went to find my smile elsewhere.
There were times I sat at a conference table and was afraid to open my mouth (those of you who know me probably don’t believe that) for fear of saying something foolish or looking stupid. After all, these people were at the table long before I showed up and were smarter. Or were they? Who was my own worst enemy in my career? That would be ME. That has nothing to do with my gender. That had everything to do with confidence, youth, inexperience, and lack of, or perceived lack of, knowledge. I had to find my voice, be willing to use it, and find people willing to push me to use it.
That doesn’t mean that sexism, glass ceilings, patronizing comments, inappropriate comments in reference to my body and what may, or may not, be going on, do not exist in our industry. They exist in any industry. The world will always have ignorant, crass, and uneducated people in it. It doesn’t mean you have to accept it or condone it. Once you call them out, it stops them in their tracks. Bullies rarely come after you once you confront them. People will treat you the way you allow them to. I didn’t keep my mouth shut when I was uncomfortable. Sometimes it worked out, sometimes I was in HR.
I have spent my entire career in this industry. Have I “missed” opportunities because of children (my choice), not working in a family business (my choice), or not working for certain people or companies (my choice)? Yes, absolutely. But I haven’t “missed” any opportunities because of my physical or genetic make-up. As a mother I have had to make choices whether to attend a conference for the company or see my son play in a baseball tournament. That might may have been a career killer in many industries. One of the hidden gems of our industry is since we are largely a “family” industry there is a lot of understanding and encouragement to balance the two. Another benefit: no long lines at the bathroom.
The ratio of women in the industry does not mean the industry is not female-friendly. I truly believe there has never been a better time for a woman to be in this industry. The sky’s the limit. Your fear of heights is the only thing holding you back. A shortage of talent and a rapidly aging white-collar workforce are creating opportunities that haven’t been seen in the history of the industry, or any industry for that matter.
The discussion about male-dominated, gender, race, ethnicity, and age is old and played out. The discussion really should be about how to empower, mentor, coach, grow, encourage employees not be afraid to try, not be afraid to fail, and take a risk on a talented amateur (we all were once) or an inexperienced youth (we were all that too). I want someone to want to hire me because they believe I would be an awesome contributor to the team and the business and would help it grow, not because of my pieces/parts.
I will always give another woman a hand up, but I would also do that for anyone who asks for my help and is willing to do the work. The bottom line is: Don’t ever be content with someone’s version of you. I wasn’t. If I can, so can you.
